Family, Friends, and Allies
The coming out process affects LGBTQA people as well as friends, family, and allies. Family members, friends, and allies also have their own coming out process as they learn about and process that they have a LGBTQA friend or family member. LGBTQA identity becomes integrated with other aspects of self as just one identity for this person.
When and if someone comes out to you,
- Think before you speak; respond don’t react.
- Appreciate that coming out is a challenge and the person is taking a risk. You can thank the person for trusting you enough to tell you.
- Questions you can ask:
- How long have you known you are gay?
- Has it been difficult to carry this secret?
- Is there some way I can help?
- Have I ever knowingly offended you?
- Respect confidentiality: Don’t assume it’s okay to tell other people
The process for family, friends, and allies:
- Learning a loved one is LGBTQ:
- Who is s/he really?
- S/he can’t be gay
- S/he isn’t gay
- S/he is gay
- I accept s/he is gay
- I still care about her/him
- I will support her/him
- Coming out to others as family, friend, or ALLY of an LGBTQ person